


My Inner Circus

by Lilota



Category: The Greatest Showman (2017)
Genre: 1800s, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Circus, Drunkenness, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Masturbation in Shower, Whiskey Kisses, barlyle - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 11:54:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16575971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilota/pseuds/Lilota
Summary: Phineas Taylor Barnum has just made Phillip Carlyle his junior apprentice. Things seem to be going swimmingly until P.T has a jarring epiphany. A drama and love story (with basic canon convergence) of how P.T Barnum got everything he has ever wanted and more.





	My Inner Circus

**Author's Note:**

> Ladies and Gents this is the moment you've waited for! 
> 
> Ok, This is a male/male story that does have a sexual part at the end of the chapter. If you like this sort of thing, please enjoy yourself. If you are younger than 18 or do not like homosexual relationships and will bash my story, please leave now. Thank you and enjoy.

 

“So you really decided to make Phillip Carlyle you're apprentice...and succeeded? That will definitely be a sight.” Charity giggled at the idea while hugging the large comforter against her.  
  
It only took a moment of piercing blue eyes looking into his in a pompous manner that made Phineas feel such a burning desire to break this man. He had always been looked down on by eyes like this man's but something seemed different than the usual looks. Phillip was like a caged bird dying to be released. He felt like a very powerful predator hunting his caged prey; he was like a lion hunting a spoiled zoo zebra.  
  
Phineas grinned widely and jumped on the bed next to her. “You should have seen him cave. He wanted such a huge portion of the show.” He squawked in pure disbelief. Charity's eyes lit up in humor, “How much of the show?”  
  
“18 percent!!” Phineas choked out in laughter making Charity follow suit. “I told him 'hell no', basically. We finally agreed on 10. Trying to con a con man? Psh! Not Phineas T. Barnum.” He winked at Charity, a sly smirk painted his face.  
  
What excited Phineas about Phillip was how entranced he was with the bright colors, lights and excessive flair that came with the circus. His baby blues lit up more and more with each step he took into the building. Sure, it was a lot to risk, but Phillip was just beginning to understand just how amazing the world he built with his own hands, truly was.  
  
Charity grabbed him by the lapels forcefully and kissed him roughly on the lips. “Well come here Mr. Phineas T. Barnum: Con-man extraordinaire. You seem all fired up and need an outlet. I'm yours for the taking.” Phineas' eyes glazed over in arousal at the sight of Charity putting herself on display for him. Her gorgeous soft curves took shape through the thin night gown, silky and smooth over her body.  
  
Charity and Phineas held each other closely and started to kiss again. She slipped her tongue across his upper lip and the image of Phillip licking his top lip nervously during their negotiation made him shiver. A gasp escaped his lips and he pulled away slightly and shook his head to rid himself of the image. Charity noticed his hesitation and whispered, “What's wrong, Phin?” A phantom pair of eyes looked back at him, “Yeah, what's wrong, Phin?” Phillip's eyes stared at him in his mind.  
  
Phineas shook his head a little more harshly and backed away from Charity but she grabbed his arm. “Phin.” It took him a moment to gather his wits and backed away from her. “Sorry, must've had too much to drink. I feel a bit dizzy. Maybe I should lay down.” Charity, concerned, rushed out of bed, “Let me get you a cool wet cloth.” She grabbed her night gown and tied it tightly and fled off to the bathroom.  
Phineas heard the water running and felt guilty she felt she had to dote on him, especially since he was having impure thoughts. As Charity placed the cloth on his head, he felt his eyes playing tricks on him as he imagined it was Phillip taking care of him, rubbing his cheek and kissing the corner of his mouth. He flushed at the imagery. He barely knew the man and felt he could recall the specks in his eyes, the freckles that barely swept over his nose and the exact color of his lips after taking a shot of whiskey. He shouldn't have even been feeling these kinds of thoughts at all about someone who wasn't his wife, especially since it was a man.  
  
Phineas had never had the opportunity or care to think about his sexuality. He had been born and bred into a heterosexual world and knew if he didn't have a woman by his side, he was abnormal. Everything about Charity had always been perfect and beautiful. No man had ever turned his head before so why all of a sudden was he imagining Phillip in a sexual light?  
  
Charity tucked him in soundly and blew out the candle on her night stand. “I love you Phin.” she called out sweetly. At that moment he felt like crawling in a hole; it felt like he was cheating on her and he hadn't even done anything.  
  
Through the night, Phineas couldn't get comfortable. Everything about Phillip plagued his thoughts. While he was absolutely obsessed with getting the snobby New York Society to notice him and attend more performances, he wasn't sure why he even chose Phillip. He hadn't known he produced the play his daughter was in but something called out to him about Phillip and he wasn't sure what until the moment he fell off his bed with a loud thump.  
  
“Shit” he whispered to himself, turning slightly to rub at his now bruised hip. Anxiety flared through the tired ringmaster. He slowly got up and figured he needed something strong to drink to help him sleep. The moon shone brightly through the window across the hall from his bedroom. He stumbled groggily to his study and lit a few candles to illuminate the room. The cabinet nearby held many types and brands of alcohol but fate had him grab the same whiskey he had at the bar that night with Phillip.  
  
His eyes barely open, he poured a small amount of the whiskey into the glass on his side table. As the liquid hit his lips, he groaned; destiny had called to him to grab that bottle. He swirled the alcohol around in his mouth, the taste intoxicating his senses. He faintly smelled Phillip's cologne. A small whimper escaped as he felt heat pool in his stomach. His eyes closed to relish the intense sensation. He remembered the strong shoulders and broad chest the man had. He was built like a man who had seen countless years of hard labor. Every time he tried to picture what Phillip's chest may have looked like, he blanked. Something new and awkward ached in his chest at the need to see what it looked like.  
  
After what seemed like forever, he finally swallowed his mouth full of whiskey. The burning of the amber liquid lit his insides up and knew he had to have more; he wasn't certain if it was of the whiskey or Phillip. His mind felt it was going haywire, insanity threatening to take him over. He knew in he depths of his very being that it was wrong to have feelings like these for a man. His mind kept ebbing at him though, allowing him to visualize more than what his morals would allow him to see.  
  
He remembered to when Phillip took that first full shot of whiskey. His mouth formed around that glass perfectly and he opened his throat and let the whiskey flawlessly slide down his throat. What he wouldn't give to see those skills used on his- ahem. So much was new to him in this domain. Phillip's reputation as a 'scandal' and 'playboy' roamed through his mind making doubt and shame flood his senses. He would never think about being with a man, especially a man of his age who had a wife and kids. Phineas was unsure of how he really felt; this could have just been a passing fancy and he may never had actually have had homosexual feelings for this man.  
  
Phineas felt he made a mistake when he closed his eyes and imagined Phillip drawing nearer to himself. Without opening his eyes, he took another swig and felt a new fire consume him. He placed a hand on his chest, imagining the other's hand in his place. He gasped at the intense look in the imaginary Phillip's eyes. His hand shifted slowly up his neck, feather light and teasing. He brought the bottle of Whiskey to his lips slowly, though too cold, he imagined Phillip kissing him softly; the smell and touch upon his lips threw his heart into a beating frenzy. The cold liquid sloshing through his mouth and down his throat was welcoming and downright relaxing. He didn't stop at the first gulp, or even the fifth. He could drown in the taste and not regret any moment of it.  
  
Phin's lungs burned with the need for breath and he finally released the bottle from his lips. A deep heaving breath erupted from him. It was a weird feeling for him to have such a strong infatuation he had never felt for even his wife. Maybe it was just a power struggle with this rich man or maybe it meant more. The alcohol was starting to make him dizzy and blinded to the world. Tunnel vision set in and he collapsed to the floor, breath shaky and heart pounding like he had just run a marathon.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
_Phineas opened his eyes wide and the bright colors and lights flashed by him in a whir of bluriness. Loud chortles of laughter mixed with the music and talking of the cast and crowds overwhelmed his ears and was forced to cover them tightly. He was in the center of his Circus with his Ringmaster uniform on, bright and detailed in the embellishments. The crowd that was clapping and jeering him on for more turned in a darker direction._  
  
_He started to hear obscene and foul language bursting from the stands. Charity of all people walked in behind him and grabbed his arms harshly and with a strong rope, proceeded to pull him back to a pole and tied him tightly there._  
  
_Panic and horror painted his face. The crowd was screaming and started to throw things at him. He picked up a few words shouted louder than the others. “QUEER!” a screeching woman shouted while making eye contact. He heard many others, “DisGUSting!”, “He ain't right!”, “THREE-DOLLAR BILL!”, “PILLOW-BITER!”_  
  
_Tears streaked down his face as pieces of food and garbage pelted his body. Charity put up a hand to the audience and they instantly stopped. By this time, the beautiful tailor job on his uniform had been completely ruined and bruises started to form on his body. Phineas' eyes pleaded with the angelic woman to help him and have mercy on him but her face darkened. She grabbed a bottle from the floor, uncorked its top and poured it down his body from his head. It was the whiskey he had just consumed. “How could you do this to me?” She whispered venomously._  
  
_The sweet amber liquid pouring from the bottle became a waterfall drowning him. He couldn't breath and couldn't call for help. His lungs burned gasping for air and choking on the whiskey simultaneously._  
  
_In the next flash, he saw a black umbrella over his head and instantly he could breathe again. His ropes were cut free and he fell to the ground sobbing. He was still in the circus but the voices silenced. The whiskey, though still pouring around him couldn't threaten him anymore. The aroma was intoxicating._  
  
_The figure holding the umbrella slowly circled Phineas' crumpled and wrecked figure and offered a hand down to help him up. Phineas flinched at the quickly offered hand, like a scared abused puppy. His body shifted to curl up in a ball. The figure clicked his fingers and the whiskey waterfall stopped. The umbrella was removed from above them until the bright spotlight shone like the sun upon them both. Phineas looked in front of him to see the light shining radiantly upon them both._  
  
_They were the only two people in the tent. The figure bent down and tapped him on the shoulder cautiously. “Hey, it's ok. You're ok.” It was a male's voice. “No it's not ok. I might be queer and I don't want to be like this.” Phineas sobbed and held his tattered jacket tighter to his body._  
  
_“Phin, look at me. You're safe. I've got you. I promise.” The voice was soothing and Phin wanted to believe it spoke truly. The figure sat on the ground next to him, took off the destroyed hat and ran a hand through his hair lovingly. “Phineas, sweetheart, nobody will ever understand you like I will someday. You're perfect and beautiful just the way you are.” A gasp came from Phineas and those words hit him the hardest. He turned slightly and looked up. The lights blinded him casting a shadow on the figure's face. “Phineas? Phineas?”_  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Phineas blinked and groaned at the blinding light in his eyes. “Phineas? Are you ok, sweetheart?” A sweet voice called out to him. Her voice made him jolt in fear and try to scoot away from the terrifying memory. Was it a memory or a work of fiction? He couldn't tell what was real at that moment. He couldn't believe she could ever had been that vile to him even if it was a dream. Phineas' heart beat wildly and started panting, arms flailing when he locked eyes with his wife. His head was pounding and he felt like he was going to vomit but his body entered a 'fight or flee' mentality  
  
He didn't feel safe without the figure beside him. “Help, please. I thought you loved me. W-why can't you accept me?” Charity looked confused and scared for her husband. Phineas, with heart wrenching pain in his eyes pleaded, “please Charity, leave me alone. I can't anymore. Please.” He sobbed loudly. She came close to him to try to comfort him and he shifted backward again, his arms wrapping tighter around his chest. “What happened Phin? I won't hurt you. I promise. Talk to me.”  
  
“You'll h-hate me. I can't-t. Y-you wouldn't und-derstand. I'm j-just so confused. I'm s-so scared-d.” Phineas convulsed and Charity was lucky enough to get a small trash bin under Phineas' head before he puked unceremoniously inside the bucket.  
  
“Phin, please let me be near you. I'll just sit there and rub your back and you can tell me anything without judgment. You have my solemn vow.” She crossed her heart; at that moment he looked up and her face met his with a soft smile.  
  
Getting his last ounces of nasty alcohol vomit from his mouth, he tied the bag and pushed the bucket away from him. He felt slightly better even though the headache was drilling his head like a jackhammer. He motioned for her to come over to his side. Her nose scrunched up at the acrid smell but stomached it for him. Cautiously, Charity placed a hand on his back and started to rub small circles; the body below him started to stiffen more than relax.  
  
A new flood of tears erupted from Phineas; the usually confident man wasn't as invincible and powerful as he had seemed to be one day ago. He felt he didn't deserve to be comforted or even deserved to exist by society's standards.  
  
“I don't know what's going on with me. You really won't judge me, Charity?” Phineas asked timidly.  
  
Charity furrowed her brow in concern. “Is it really that bad?” Phineas nodded and sniffled.  
  
“Charity, sweetheart, I love you more than anything but I think I have feelings for a-” He started. Charity covered her mouth and whispered, “another woman?” Phineas shook his head rapidly. He took a deep breath and was finally able to finish, “-a man.”  
  
Charity's eyebrow cocked up. She looked at the man before her with a small smirk, “Oh really now? Now that is quite the scandal. I see why you're freaking out. Sweetheart, you've never been one for normalcy. But of course, the only thing that changed from yesterday to today was...oh.” She had a sudden realization as to what had really changed. She turned her head in thought then lovingly at her husband. “Well, I'll give you this, you have good taste.” She gave a small giggle.  
  
Phineas cocked an eyebrow and looked up at her, confused. “Phin, my father and the rest of the world are small-minded. I am not. Is this why you wouldn't make love to me last night? Do you still find me-um?” Phineas interrupted quickly, waving his arms. “Woah! No, no, no. You are very attractive, Charity. The most beautiful woman in all of the universe. Beautiful inside and out. I don't know what I was thinking when I dreamed you to be such a vicious woman, rejecting me and scolding me for being different. You don't have a mean bone in your body.”  
  
Charity stared at her husband in awe, eyes sparkling at the declaration of his love for her. “Phineas, I know it may come to a surprise to you, but I understand completely. I have only wanted for you to be your happiest. If you want Philip as well as me or even without me, I won't stop you. We can still make all of this work.” A soft smile graced her features, not a judgmental glimmer in her eyes.  
  
Phineas' eyes lit up and a huge smile plastered on his face. “My Charity, so absolutely amazing in every way. What have I ever done to deserve you?” Without missing a beat, she replied, “You set me free from a dull and empty life and showed me true happiness. The least I could ever give you is the exact same. I love you, sweetheart. Come here.”  
  
Phineas held on to her for dear life, giving her the warmest embrace of their entire marriage. He thanked his lucky stars for this wonderful woman. “God, I love you Charity.”  
  
A few moments later, they both wiped their tears and got up slowly off the cold floor. Phineas stumbled holding his head as a stabbing pain shot through. It had to be the worst hangover he had had in years and made a personal vow at that moment never to drink as much as he did ever again. Charity helped him to the dining room and sat him down.  
  
Phineas was startled when he heard loud footsteps thundering down the stairs, “DADDY!!” His little girls stormed through the threshold of the dining room and almost tackled him out of his chair. Though this alarming chorus made his head feel like a thousand knives were stabbing him, he never showed an ounce of pain on his face. It felt wonderful to have his little girls by his side after something as traumatic as what happened earlier that morning. “Good morning my little lovely ladies!” He firmly hugged his girls and kissed each of their cheeks. They retreated to the chairs next to him.  
  
Charity, who had already left the room, knocked on the door of the chef's quarters and asked for breakfast to be made for them and a hangover remedy to be made. She reentered the dining room and took a seat next to Helen. “Phineas, what time will you be leaving today to greet Mr. Carlyle and start his training as your apprentice?” Just hearing Phillip's surname was enough to make him shiver with anticipation of that day's activities. “Well, to be honest, I was hoping to introduce him to you and the girls as well as the remainder of the cast. You are welcome to attend but do not have to if you are busy.” Charity shook her head slightly, “Sorry Phineas, I was going to take the girls to the seamstress to hem their school dresses then run some errands in town.  
  
Caroline spoke up softly, “Who is Mr. Carlyle, Daddy?” Phineas smiled and said, “Mr. Carlyle is Daddy's new business partner. He is going to help me run the circus and help with bringing in...um...wealthier customers that have a higher influence on those who do not seem to like the Circus. We want everyone to learn to smile and have a good time so Mr. Carlyle will help us with that.” Caroline and Helen lit up and grinned excitedly. “Is he a nice guy?”, asked Caroline.  
  
“You don't know it yet, buy you are going to love him. He produced your play, Helen.” Phineas' head was killing him and stomach churned from the hangover but still managed a large smile.  
  
The chef served breakfast as well as a Highland Fling hangover remedy. It wasn't as atrocious as the other remedies he had heard of and went down without any issues.  
  
Breakfast ended quickly as they all quietly ate as quick as they could. Phineas kissed his girls and Charity on the cheek and headed upstairs to shower and get ready for the day. He grabbed a set of clothing and headed to the large bathroom. He started the shower and stripped himself of his clothes.  
  
The mirror across the room reflected on a ragged looking older man. He stepped closer and wondered when he had become so old. Even though he had Charity's blessing to pursue Phillip, would he even want him let alone a man in general? Though he had been labeled a 'scandal', he wondered if any of those scandals included men or if he was as hetero as any other man.  
  
His thoughts wandered to the shorter but younger man. His skin was fresh of any blemishes or wrinkles and he suddenly felt self conscious. Grey hairs littered the sides of his head. He had always heard from gossiping women that men tended to look more distinguished and handsome with just a few areas of grey hair but he just looked old even though his mind still felt young.  
  
Heat started to form in his stomach at the thought of Phillip. Phillip's eyes looked very serious and knew there was a good chance he would look simply beautiful laughing as a carefree man. Phillip did have a dazzling white smirk but it looked slightly contemptuously at him as he was doing business with him last night.  
  
The shower steamed away his clear reflection jarring Phineas away from the mirror. He slowly stepped in the shower; the hot water was a blessing to his chilled skin. To think he had been that close to Phillip last night and was bold enough to keep brushing against him and casually touching him made him a little woozy. He thought about the man, whose eyes glazed over and almost seemed to be a bit playful, and wanted him badly. Even though it may have been from the alcohol rumbling in his stomach, a feeling in his abdomen could almost be mistaken for butterflies. Why was he so anxious about today? Was it anxiety or was it...arousal.  
  
Phineas looked down to see himself at full mast. Yup, it was arousal. Before he went to bed it had been the burning desire to break the man he had basically swindled into joining the circus but as he had a true epiphany during the night he realized he had the burning desire to make the man his own.  
  
Eyes rolled back into his head as Phineas grabbed his erection with a brutal force. The flood of sexual energy coursed through his veins; his knees almost buckled from the weakness he felt. Phillips eyes and red luscious lips flooded his thoughts. He couldn't imagine too much else because sadly Phillip's inability to get properly tailored clothing to fit his body better left too much to the imagination.  
  
Phineas knew he had a lot to do that day so if he was going to get rid of his little issue, he would have to do it quickly. As the shower doused his tired skin, his hand shifted languidly over his arousal. He had to place a hand on the shower wall to keep himself steady. Phillip ensnared his senses. He thought of a scenario where there was no bartender and in the bar was just himself and Phillip. The shorter man was on his knees as he sat on a bar stool without pants on. Phillip had his lips wrapped around his cock with eyes staring up at him as he was working slowly up and down the shaft.  
  
Phineas let out a small whimper at the erotic imagery. The nausea and any pain in his head disappeared and was replaced with nothing but pure ecstasy. Phineas had to bite his lip; his hand holding the wall was balled and turning white. “Ngh..Ph-” His hand pumped wildly, chasing his impending orgasm. He groaned and spilled his seed on the wall, riding out his first Phillip induced release, shuddering from the force behind it. After a few moments of gathering his wits and his breath, he washed himself and got ready for the day.  
  
It was going to be a hell of a day.  
  


 

 

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/484900/World-s-Strangest-Hangover-Cures  
> Highland Fling is a hangover remedy consisting of a pint of buttermilk thickened with a spoonful of cornflour and seasoned with salt and pepper. Nutritionally, it makes sense. The fat settles your stomach and the lactose raises your blood sugar levels.
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading my new story. More will be coming soon. If you like it, please give kudos and comment. :)
> 
> Lilota <3


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